What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
