I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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