she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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