Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
