Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
