Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
sex in a hospital.. check
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize