Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Farmville is her only friend.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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