I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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