Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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