i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
