I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize