ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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