Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
