is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
