Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize