I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
