so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
soo... how was my night?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
