she looked like the before picture.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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