she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
