my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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