I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
