Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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