Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
