Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
