we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize