He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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