Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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