I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
