Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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