What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize