I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
