he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
