I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
