Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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