Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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