Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
