I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
