She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
