Pants 0. Shit 1.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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