Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
