Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
