FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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