Someone shit on the floor
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
