Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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