nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
