so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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