hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize