the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
