He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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