Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
