SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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