Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
my poor anus
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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