Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
