standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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