i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
