just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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