i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
