whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
