Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
