One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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