yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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