He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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