Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
