If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
