In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You can't just leave with hair like that
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
