I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I need moral support for this bender
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
