p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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