i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
