PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
