He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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