dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I cut my penus on the lid.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
