So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You know, be my cock's hype man.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
