Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
