she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
