So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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