from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
